A preamble: Don't knee jerk, 'cause this is splendidly laugh-aloud-ably crafted criticism. I'll display it in the context of the email from our friend Robbie who found the review online. Following the review is my email to the writer...
---
Hey Guys,
I came across this CD review on Decomposer. It's one of the first
negative one's I've seen, I thought you might want to check it out:
---
After hearing Decomposer and E. Von Dahl Killed the Locals, The Matches’ previous release, I’ve cleverly drawn up this sketch of a fan dealing with their new sound. I hope you enjoy.
Fan: Excuse me.
Matches: Yes?
Fan: I just bought this Big Mac and it tastes like a candy bar, beef jerky, Hunan chicken, root beer, and vagina all at the same time.
Matches: And?
Fan: I came here to buy a Big Mac because I’ve had one before and I enjoyed the flavor. I came back because I remember liking the first one. Secondly, why the fuck does this Big Mac taste like vagina?
Matches: Excellent question! You see, we were getting a healthy response from our “Big Mac” release and we thought we might make new ones that were even better. So we came up with a list of about 48 things that people like to eat and infused their essences into one sandwich! Every bite is an explosion of different familiar flavors!
Fan: Gee, I kind of liked the, I don’t know, BURGER flavor of the Big Mac. I’m fairly certain that’s why I came back for another one.
Matches: Well it’s a good thing we left the hamburger flavor in there as well, isn’t it? Now your Big Mac is a highly enriched flavor abomination! We don’t need to maintain a fan base! HUZZAH!
Fan: I think I’m going to grab a Whopper.
If I have to sum it up in a more obvious way I will. They had a good thing going with their earlier album and they just couldn’t accept that fans would like another album that sounded about the same. They had to be fucking kooky and I really think it’s going to cost them a lot of grief. The songs may have a decent diet punk foundation but the random additional elements ruin any chance Decomposer has of being moderately tolerable. Papercut Skin is my best example, sounding like a combination of My Sharona and the Duck Tales cartoon theme.
If you want to check this band out, do it with E. Von Dahl Killed the Locals. Whatever it is they meant to accomplish with Decomposer just didn’t hit the mark. In fact, it’s probably a good example of how punk music is being willingly destroyed. Ignore this release and hopefully The Matches will rethink their approach to music with the next one.
Baron has been a writer for Shakefire.com since 2006.
http://www.shakefire.com/reviews/thematches-decomposer.html
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Baron,
I play guitar and sing in the Matches, and I've got to tell you, this is causing some odd inner turmoil, but, well, I am such a fan of your negative review of my album. (!) I mean, I think we made a cool album, but I don't disagree with your criticism of it-- that it is not a big Mac, and that some people would prefer one of those, and that may commercially plague us, but the feeling was, and still is, that there are so many Big Macs that we have to tour with year after year...ug.
Perhaps you will like our next record-- it is not so similar to Decomposer, yet certainly is not a big Mac either. At any rate, I hope that you review it, because I wish to read the review.
I plan on checking in with your reviews frequently, now that I've discovered your site, because though we have a noted difference in taste, we can all enjoy a nice arty pop culture slag of some other guy's record. (Though I thought maybe your extended metaphor may have been a little dense and well-formulated for the hoi polloi, and may limit your reader-base.)
Fuck em!
Viva the hoity toity!
Shawn
the Matches
---
---
Hey Guys,
I came across this CD review on Decomposer. It's one of the first
negative one's I've seen, I thought you might want to check it out:
---
After hearing Decomposer and E. Von Dahl Killed the Locals, The Matches’ previous release, I’ve cleverly drawn up this sketch of a fan dealing with their new sound. I hope you enjoy.
Fan: Excuse me.
Matches: Yes?
Fan: I just bought this Big Mac and it tastes like a candy bar, beef jerky, Hunan chicken, root beer, and vagina all at the same time.
Matches: And?
Fan: I came here to buy a Big Mac because I’ve had one before and I enjoyed the flavor. I came back because I remember liking the first one. Secondly, why the fuck does this Big Mac taste like vagina?
Matches: Excellent question! You see, we were getting a healthy response from our “Big Mac” release and we thought we might make new ones that were even better. So we came up with a list of about 48 things that people like to eat and infused their essences into one sandwich! Every bite is an explosion of different familiar flavors!
Fan: Gee, I kind of liked the, I don’t know, BURGER flavor of the Big Mac. I’m fairly certain that’s why I came back for another one.
Matches: Well it’s a good thing we left the hamburger flavor in there as well, isn’t it? Now your Big Mac is a highly enriched flavor abomination! We don’t need to maintain a fan base! HUZZAH!
Fan: I think I’m going to grab a Whopper.
If I have to sum it up in a more obvious way I will. They had a good thing going with their earlier album and they just couldn’t accept that fans would like another album that sounded about the same. They had to be fucking kooky and I really think it’s going to cost them a lot of grief. The songs may have a decent diet punk foundation but the random additional elements ruin any chance Decomposer has of being moderately tolerable. Papercut Skin is my best example, sounding like a combination of My Sharona and the Duck Tales cartoon theme.
If you want to check this band out, do it with E. Von Dahl Killed the Locals. Whatever it is they meant to accomplish with Decomposer just didn’t hit the mark. In fact, it’s probably a good example of how punk music is being willingly destroyed. Ignore this release and hopefully The Matches will rethink their approach to music with the next one.
Baron has been a writer for Shakefire.com since 2006.
http://www.shakefire.com/reviews/thematches-decomposer.html
---
Baron,
I play guitar and sing in the Matches, and I've got to tell you, this is causing some odd inner turmoil, but, well, I am such a fan of your negative review of my album. (!) I mean, I think we made a cool album, but I don't disagree with your criticism of it-- that it is not a big Mac, and that some people would prefer one of those, and that may commercially plague us, but the feeling was, and still is, that there are so many Big Macs that we have to tour with year after year...ug.
Perhaps you will like our next record-- it is not so similar to Decomposer, yet certainly is not a big Mac either. At any rate, I hope that you review it, because I wish to read the review.
I plan on checking in with your reviews frequently, now that I've discovered your site, because though we have a noted difference in taste, we can all enjoy a nice arty pop culture slag of some other guy's record. (Though I thought maybe your extended metaphor may have been a little dense and well-formulated for the hoi polloi, and may limit your reader-base.)
Fuck em!
Viva the hoity toity!
Shawn
the Matches
---
61 Comments :
that was entertaining. i feel like a big mac. and some hoity toity. um.
I should be sleeping right now, but that's practically impossible. I'm sorry someone thinks your album sounds/tastes like rootbeer and vagina. Plus that guy cannot come to you and get a burger as if you're mcdonalds anyways...ooo you should sell burgers instead of shirts at your shows. Please ignore everything I've just said. (this entire comment is filled with lack of sleep and a 2 hour binkie hunt.)
please don't use the word HUZZAH ever. promise? Don't ignore that part of this.
conversation with friend "M"
"M" 5/18/07 11:28 PM
his review was funny because he said vagina and swore, but the funny conceit obscures a devastatingly conservative outlook on creativity.
Shawn Harris 5/18/07 11:28 PM
yea. but it's funny.
"M" 5/18/07 11:28 PM
it is funny.
Shawn Harris 5/18/07 11:29 PM
and the funniest thing is-- he's really creative!
"M" 5/18/07 11:29 PM
yeah!
Shawn Harris 5/18/07 11:29 PM
it was accurate too, though his opinion on the subject was not shared
"M" 5/18/07 11:30 PM
that's what made your response good. you were like, yeah, but we have a different philosophy on burgers
Shawn Harris 5/18/07 11:30 PM
like, I'm vegan.
"M" 5/18/07 11:30 PM
ha!
I feel like a jerk for laughing at that...but I agree, it really was quite funny, albeit a little insulting.
And perhaps it's a good thing I don't eat burgers, otherwise I probably would have thought of this review the next time I ate one, and possibly would have gotten ill. Haha.
I do not expect you to know this band. If you do, I may love you.
The World/Inferno Friendship Society are an obscure blend of genres. They to do this with tremendous amounts of style and charisma. Upon first hearing Decomposer, It reminded me of World/Inferno. It was more so in the sense of doing something different. Doing something creative and making it your own.
There is a noticeable difference between album one and album two, obviously. The different makes me appreciate and love the Matches all the more.
You take criticism well. I would have to hit him where it hurts, but I am female and currently PMSing.
My point? I'm not sure. I do not enjoy big macs. I do enjoy E. Von Dahl and Decomposer. Oh, and I most certainly enjoy The Matches, a lot a lot.
Keep doing what you're doing, I think you're great.
People arent going to love your music. So this review is irrelevant, it's just one person who doesnt know what good music is. I on the other hand love the matches, and you ahve a big fan base that loves you too. It's good that before you even wrote this you stated "don't knee jerk 'cause this is splendidly laugh-aloud-ably crafted criticism." pre-warning everyone to not get pissed off.
in other news I got pulled over on the highway driving home last night at 2am. I was going 90. I was also listening to The Barber's Unhappiness. As the cop walked over I took out my liscence and registration. Forgetting to turn the music off, he heard it and then proceeded to give me a sobriety test because he thought i was listening to "drug music." Then he slapped me with a $150 fine. Thank you Shawn Harris for giving me a story to tell. :)
This post has been removed by the author.
I haven't had a burger in my life, but after reading this post and listening to EVD, I'm craving McDonalds.
Also, root beer, vagina, chicken, and those other elements have never sounded so good spinning in my stereo.
oh. my. god. All I want to know is which track or tracks particularly relinquishes the taste of vagina? Hopefully not Didi (my doe) or The barber's unhappiness, which I happily "taste" frequently, because that would have complete disregard for my sexual orientation as I know it. Yeah, I loved the big mac, but I go insane for this, umm...concoction. It was a funny review, but it was no where near to being on key.
holy... i dont think ive ever read a review as strange as that.. as detailed as it was it made me laugh at the fact that he compared decomposer to a big mac *ick*
i can't really think of anything clever to say here, so i'll say this:
at one time, many years ago, i frequently refered to any band who changed the sound of their music a "sellout", particularly if said band got more popular with the new music.
and then i turned 14 and realized that i was stupid so i stopped being stupid.
Regardless that it was insulting, that was strangely clever. You take criticism very well.
The weird thing for me about this review is that, while reading the "big mac" part...he was trying to portray the album in a negative light and instead he made me want to listen to it. I hate when good bands keep making the same album.
I love your New album. I think because of the different styles, you can't compare it to your old album.
Both of them are nothing short of Amazing
Fuck em!
Viva the hoity toity!
WORD!
I don't think I've ever laughed at something that I didn't agree with, but I couldn't help myself... It was just so strange and awkward to compare music to meat. But very comical
WoW... I like that you wrote him back and let him know what you thought of his review. I personaly love both albums and the fact that they are different. Do you think that if you would have made Decomposer sound just like E. Von Dahl Killed the Locals that he would have disliked that too? I mean if every CD sounded the same there would be no reason to listen to it.
Everyone needs some variation in their diet ;-)
in a sense, this author is correct... from his own standpoint. it's his opinion, which we are all entitled to. decomposer wasn't for everyone...
i always knew that there was something about the matches that caught my attention more than the amazing sound, and i think i found it right here. the lyrics in your songs, just like the passages you write here are so incredibly witty and entertaining that all i want to do is sit down on a couch with you and have a conversation about hamburgers and the relevance to your music.
does that seem crazy to you? cause it doesn't to me. lol
i'm sorry, i reread the blog and failed to see in my earlier attempt that "Papercut Skin" was compared to the Duck Tales theme. i liked Duck Tales sweethearts... and i happen to know people that enjoy the taste of vagina... that's not on me though.
Damn, what an ass!
(A washing machine literally just fell over next to me, wow.)
But it is pretty humorous, and ironically creative at the same time.
That's why I love your response.
There's nothing that can bother someone that is criticizing you, than agreeing with them.
Oh, and the fact your vegan makes it all the more entertaining, Haha.
Did he ever write back ?
Mcdonald's does taste all taste the same, especailly if we're talking about fake meat bi products that's in everything.
Funny way of putting that I must say, haha.
Oh, I forgot to say that I thought it was hilarous that he compared Papercut Skin to a kid's tv show.
Seeing as part of what's in the lyrics of the song, and in the backward singing.
Maybe he threw that in the review to be clever, but I doubt it.
Not alot people pay attention to things like that.
He probably listens to Fall Out Boy on a regular basis.
It was quite clever though. Props to him for that!
But he can take those props with him to hell for being a close minded ass.
Big Macs are nasty. Thousand Island dressing is gross, period. It should stay on salad.
The Matches are tasty in my ears. Plus, you've managed to make records that suit people with varying tastes in music. Perfect for people who happen to have music adhd and can't decide what they'd like to listen to at a certain time.
Again, Big Macs are gross. Even if they did put root beer in them.
Huzzah is fun, in moderation.
<3
Oh, dear. Shawn your eloquence makes me smile.
A lot.
A whole fucking lot.
& that your friend, "M", knows what conceit is makes me smile more. (Perhaps living in this town makes me presume that everyone is of below average intelligence, thus I am mildly impressed by any display of intellegence. Oh well.)
If it is any consolation, I fell in love with Decomposer before I knew there was an E Von Dahl Killed the Locals. I proudly whore you to no end and will continue to do so unless someone tells me to stop. Then I'll think about it for a moment and depending on the curcumstances I will stop or not. Probably not though. You guys deserve so much! The lyrics are amazing and unique.
Much love!
Katie
PS Will you please help me with my vocabulary. Oh! I have an idea! You should put a word of the day in your blog entries! That would be cool AND educational...haha!
This post has been removed by the author.
oh man ... that was hilarious ..
fucking <3 it
It was indeed an interesting read! This guy has a bit of warped sense of humour..but anywho!
Maybe he doesn't like it when bands experiment with their sound. Me? I think it's risky, but i'm a fan of all kinds of music and so I guess when I hear a band go in a slighty different direction..it doesn't frustrate me. I actaually like it. That is if it's pulled off successfully.
So yes, Decomposer was different then a Big Mac but it's always good to mix it up with a cheeseburger, McChicken or.. if your feeling really crazy, maybe even a filet-o-fish! I thought it was amazing.
He's entitled to his own opinion, hopefully he gives it another chance, you know sometimes you have to adjust to something new, give it a couple more spins and he may even grow to love it!
Keep up the good work Shawn, your work as artist and musician amazes me x x x
Ok, it just seems like someone doesn't like change. And that is ok because everyone has the right to their own opinion but the whole ill tasting Big Mac comparison is though very creative, I agree but just shows that this "fan" has way too much time on his hands.....seriously how long do you think it took him to truly think up that analogy?? Well yes, I am also a fan who has been listening to E.Von Dahl Killed the Locals way before Decomposer was in the making but I just think the new album is refreshing, a new sound and new path.....Ponder This: if every band in the world, famous or not, just made one sound and one type of song and never creativly moved forward, listening to these bands would get pretty boring and old fast so that is why it is good that bands change their tunes from time to time...and I love the Decomposer's new sound and I can't wait for something different on the next album! Much luv, Jenny
Gosh that's annoying.. Perhaps all his friends liked Decomposer and he wanted to be non-conforming and hate it.. In any case, I didn't taste any vagina while listening to it..
I think his metaphor was pretty witty, but as much as i love E. Von Dahl Killed The Locals i also love Decomposer and appreciate the originality and this guy obviously is afraid of a little change and/or originality. Both records are amazing and I'm looking forward to the next one as well! :)
<3
Courtney
I can't even give the guy the benefit of it being funny. Clearly he isn't a very good writer, all adoration for the album aside, it's just a shitty/stupid article. Hm.
What is the point of creating the same art over and over again?
I have a band that I have listened to since I was 16...and have recently grown jaded with because they aren't evolving and im bored.
Just because that guy wants to be a punk rock Neanderthal doesn't mean that you should be.
Way to be evolved! Darwin would be proud.
That was entertaining. I was glad to read your response to the "negative" review. I personally did not take it to be negative, but just a review. The author seemed to think it was negative, but then he also seemed to think it was a good idea to eat at McDonalds. I believe he hit the nail on the head with the multiple personality disorder that is your cd, however I take it as a very good aspect and not a bad one. Nobody should want peple to hear a song and go, oh yeah thats so and so. I've never heard it before, but it sounds like all the rest of thier songs. I believe his review actually unfairly reviews listeners more than the band. Keep your unique identity, people will get tired of mediocrity eventually.
See ya on warped
Krissy
haha, vagina!
Personally, I love when you're fucking kooky.
/Tezzie
That is hilarious! I think that it is great that you can read something like that and see the writing, not just what is being said. It is really mature of you to be able to compliment his writing after he gave you guys a bad review. As for the review itself, as well written as it was, I feel that it was completely inaccurate. I have LOVED both of your records and very much look forward to the next release. Also, Papercut Skin is my absolute favorite song right now! It is a very relatable song for me. Music is such a big part of my day and, let me tell you, I can not go a single day without listening to The Matches! I love you guys!!!
who the hell makes music for their fans? i mean seriously...
and if i could order a sandwich that was part vagina i would simply ask them to put it on the side and eat it later. i really do not see the need to mention vaginas in a negative way. it is rude and highly unprofessional.
and if mister extended metaphor wants to break out fancy literary devices (that would be more impressive if he actually thought them through), ill just go all shakespeare on his ass like "privy ye knave, thou art hard pressed to find an album more decomposing than decomposer. thou speakest poppycock against the throne?!."
while i must admit his review is funny and has some clever elements, i wouldn't want another ig mac. in fact, while i adore e.vohn dahl, i actually prefer decomposer BECAUSE it is so varied and everywhere at once. bands that pump out the same record over again are not only boring but they are often criticized in the press for making the same record over again. it's all about staying true to your roots while discovering new artistic directions. people grow and change nd music is supposed to mirror life, right? it's only natural your music would change a little. it's a hectic balance, but i think you guys pulled it off beautifully. i look forward to the next record.
In the future, if you would please regurgitate the same album ad nauseum, that would be fantastic. I would appreciate it if you never branched out musically in anyway, every again.
In fact, my favorite song is Chain Me Free, so if you could just release that song over and over, entire cds worth, I would be grateful.
Nevermind that if we all ate Big Macs all the time we'd be fat and die young, that is the future that I am looking forward to.
Viva la transfats and processed food!
1. This critic has interesting taste preferences.
2. I very much appreciated your critique of his, and am curious to know if he finds it insulting or amusing.
3. Thank you for not being willing to attempt the same album more than once.
ew, that man has awful taste in music and in food.
Decomposer is great!
He is stupid.
buuut I guess everyone is entitled to their own opinion..
whatev.
i think its hilarious the combination of things he put in the big mac/ thought of.
creative man
but i disagree
decomposer is a fuckin sick album
all in all
FUCK HIM
Oh god, I nearly choked to death laughing, both at the review and your response. I haven't come across something that articulate in a long time.
Personally, I love E.Von Dahl Killed the Locals, but Decomposer is astounding.
There are enough "Big Macs" out there to satisfy anyone who doesn't appreciate evolution,or the balls it takes to do something different.
I see no reason not to combine burgers, McFlurries and cayenne pepper with chocolate cherries and 400 secret ingredients to create The Matches Surprise Casserole. I don't need to identify all the ingredients to know what tastes good.
Those who prefer "Big Macs" can continue to order them...However, I am eager to sample any new and spicy recipes you guys concoct in the kitchen.
"Fuck 'em" indeed...rewrite the recipe books!
as a fan of my sharona and more so the ducktales theme, i see no parallel to papercut skin.
glad you enjoyed the review, as I did. Let me know if he responds to your email!
That's actually pretty creative, man. I laughed. But in my opinion, big macs get old anyway. I mean they're great, but if you never have anything other than big macs, it starts to get old. Just like any other food. And i wouldn't compare decomposer to rootbeer and vagina, hahaha.
ahahh, the guy who wrote that review is feeble-minded.
i'd much rather have something healthy, tasty, and filling like an apple. Rather than something unappetizing like a burger.
Everyone eats them up, and they're tawdry.
[random fact:i'm a vegetarian. =D]
these analogies are fun!
this whole thing has made me...SO hungry!
That guy has issues.....what an interesting metaphor he used. Does he honestly expect things to stay the same? If nothing changed the entire world would become boring and redundant. Thumbs up for having the guts to send an email, i wonder......did he send one back?
Shawn,
Just by listening to Decomposer I can tell that you and your band worked your asses off. The time and effort that you put into this album really come across in the music. Honestly, it's beautiful.
I have told everyone I know about The Matches. 3 of my friends have purchased your album. I see every show that you play in Dallas.
Even if your next album is the complete opposite of Decomposer I will still buy it and promote it because I know you are talented and every song you write turns out to be a masterpiece.
Keep it up. Your true fans will always support you.
Thank you,
Tim Choate
myspace.com/postnasalbackspin
Spelling error in the above comment.
2nd sentence- towards the end.
CAME across, not come across.
Sorry.
Never have I read a review that was both insulting and hilarious simultaneously. I'm sure it would be much more amusing had I even actually eaten an McDonalds hamburger; or any hamburger ever; for that matter. Now I must listen to BOTH Cds.
-Emdee-
you know i have always wondered what kind of sound a vagina tasting album would have? but hey a lot of guys like vagina.
I will be perfectly honest with you. That was also my initial impression with Decomposer.
Then I listened to it a second time. And now, I can't get enough of this vaginal root beer. I honestly can't imagine how a reviewer pays his dues by only a single spin.
Love Decomposer, love the stable of varied producers, and I love "Don't Know Me".
I find nothing wrong with simultaneously eating a kit kat and jerky while dancing in a vat of Hunan chicken, which I would most likely dine on later finished with an A&W over ice, and a quick nightcap of vagina. Big Macs are quite the novelty but at least now you've got an unique image in your head rather than a picture perfect commercial big Mac.
haha, who wants to make the same album twice?
the thing i find humourous is that hes saying how the sound changed from the first album to the second, dont get me wrong but if we wanted to hear the same kind of music would we not just listen to the first album, thats why a second one was created to give us something new and different, and its awesome, i love it, and on to the part of the review where the "big mac" is said to taste like numerous other foods, correct me if im wrong but in the movie charlie and the chocolate factory a man we all know as willy wonka created a candy that tasted like no one would even expect ...and they loved it...just like we love the matches, so to end my massive run on sentence, i would just like to say that what you are doing with your music, shawn and the rest of the boys, i love and so many other people do too...so keep up the amazing work!
I love The Matches, Vagina, and Rootbeer.
This must be a sign.
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